FrankenClaus is coming to town, and he's chopping up little toys and gluing them back together again in grotesque and unthinkable ways. This has been going on for years at the Naughty Santa Black Market, and the leftover carcasses have been graciously donated to the Dive-Bar Drunken Plastic Surgeons. We'll be sawing off arms and legs and re-arranging them into new life forms that might even give Attaboy new ideas. Unholster your hot-melt glue gun and create an Arachno-bivalve-self-flagilating Smurf, or maybe a Saber-toothed Barbie-Tubby that also shoots missiles out of her triple-cheeked baboon ass. Then start drinking, and REALLY get creative!

We'll supply the toys, although you can also get your own at Thrift Town, Goodwill, or any of the fine retail establishments in Chintown. Bring along the following:

- glue guns and extra glue sticks (they sell for under five bucks these days)
- knives
- small saws
- cutting pliers
- really skewed imagination

This is also a great way to make stocking-stuffers for family members who have serious doubts whether you're using your expensive college education to the fullest. Any leftover toy mutations will be handed out at the Santa Run the following Saturday.

Tuesday, Dec 11
5:30 till all the little children go to bed
The Hyde Out - look for the drunken elves upstairs
1068 Hyde Street (at California) in SF


Transportation: Reindeer-propelled vehicles, Muni Buses # 1, 27,
anything along Van Ness (which is three blocks away) and the
California Street cable car